in which geneva tumbles with weight

I'm Geneva. Female. Out of shape and out of touch. 25. 5'8. 225lbs.

The last five years have been a very difficult time in my life and the 80 lbs of fat I put on is only a fraction of the weight. The struggle has been a constant up and down. I started this little blog in 2010. Fell off the face of the earth and ate. A lot. Now I am back. Mistakes have been made. Lessons have been learned. Still here to share all of it. The good, the bad, and the surgary.

Here we go. Again. Always.

RIght now, one day at a time.

How it’s going to be.

Before I get on topic: I’m listening to Billie Holiday radio on Pandora and I luuuurve it. There’s a lovely bit called “La Vie En Rose” playing right now and it’s quite lovely and Sinatra just played previously and yay. Yes.

Anyway. This is going to be a long one.

I thought I should lay down exactly what I’m doing these days regarding my diet and fitness routine. Mostly for myself. Accountability and such.

So, I have a lot of low-carbers that I am following and who are following me so I am starting to feel a little guilty about not actually eating low-carb.

So, here’s what I’m doing. Right now, I am focusing primarily on making my newly formed exercise routine into a… you know, a routine, a habit.

Also, and you know, probably most importantly, I am quitting drinking again. Too out of hand. Way out of hand. You know, I may not be classified as an alcoholic, but the abuse was sure as hell there and there are waaaay, waaay to many alcoholics in my family to really fuck around with that. I could go into more detail, but frankly it’s embarrassing. Alcohol abuse and alcoholism have a social stigma that I’m afraid will never go away.

I’m a week sober now. And god, I haaaate saying it like that. It just sounds so bad, like a horrible admission. Like, sobriety was not the normal state of things. I guess it wasn’t. I can’t really say.

Regardless, I quit. It’s been easier this time around. The first week, anyway. Most things are easier the second time around. Most likely it’s because I expressed the seriousness of it to my fiance. He knows now. He’ll monitor. I can’t just slip up anymore and bring a bottle of wine home. He’d pour that shit out in a second.

Also, working out and quitting drinking have been easier this time because… I didn’t also quit smoking, I didn’t also quit carbs.

Last time I did all that at the same time. What the hell was I thinking? I went cold turkey on every single one of my addictions, went strong for a month, and then BOOOOM BENDER, BINGE FOR TWO MONTHS. I lost control and went at it like a maniac. Smoking, drinking, eating just constantly until my poor fucking body felt so beat into the ground. I was falling apart physically. I gained weight, my skin was ugly and uneven, my stomach was being ripped a part by all the acid in the wine, I could not sleep without a buzz, I was tired tired depressed depressed and couldn’t get out of bed until fucking noon. School, friendships were suffering because I couldn’t get myself out of the house.

So. This time I’m taking it slow. I want to dedicate 8 weeks to a solid exercise schedule, and if I can do that, make it a habit, I will start incorporating a low-carb diet again that isn’t as strict as keto, but certainly still low-carb.

Abstaining from alcohol will probably be a forever thing. I can’t say I won’t partake on holidays but it will have to be very carefully, delicately, and mindfully.

So, that’s that. So far so good!

  1. twerkwork posted this